you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
