i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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