thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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