Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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