Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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