There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
