the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
