woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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