You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
