u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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