For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
