Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The beer is more important than you right now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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