Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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