i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
