i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
