I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize