I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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