what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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