I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
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They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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