What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
