the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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