you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry about my life...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
