my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
