low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
