just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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