I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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