He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
