so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
