she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
