When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
