I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
