Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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