why do cheetos always look like penises
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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