It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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