So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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