I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were trust falling into bushes
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
