If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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