Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
