I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just pynch a tree in the face
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
