i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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