i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
