worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
