You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
