No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
