You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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