Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
