a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
