So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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