Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
