That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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