My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ketchup is God's man juice
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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