I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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