I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
