go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
