We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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