He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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