but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
