I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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