RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's great music for shaving your balls
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
