i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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