if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
