i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
