no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
