Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
