she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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