Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
