Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
