mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
