I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize