and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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