I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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