I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
