Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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